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Teodora Maria

Too little, too much

This weekend went by like most weekends.
On Fridays, I’m so looking forward to the weekend only to realize, by the end of it, that it over too soon. And worst of it, without me doing too much.
And it’s not just the weekend. That’s true for the whole week. Fridays come too soon, and so do Mondays.
It’s already February. In one week it’ll be the middle of February. And I hadn’t progressed too much on the goals I set at the beginning of the year. On some of them, I hadn’t even started working.
I was thinking today that I’ll need to find a way to focus. To focus on what’s important to me, on what’s important for my life.
And maybe it’ll be a good idea to select a few goals to work on at a time. I feel a little overwhelmed when I think of all the areas where I want to improve my life. I want to organize my work better, organize my house, lose weight, live healthier, be on time with the things I need to do for my job, write regular blog posts here, improve my English and … I am enrolled in two courses right now. Oh, and I forgot about the master’s degree. I’m on holidays for the month of February, when it comes to it. But I do have to choose a subject and title for the final paper until the end of next week.
I should feel overwhelmed a lot, judging by this list, not just a little.
It looks like before focusing; there is some trimming to be done here.
If you’re wondering why you postpone things, it’s a good idea to write everything done. And if it’s a long, humanly impossible to do all at once list, like mine, get in the trimming mode, first.

Here

During my years in the cult, I had the mindset that this life doesn’t matter and what’s important is the next life.
I kept postponing living and kept dreaming: in paradise, I’ll do this or that.

Most of my dreams weren’t undoable things. And they weren’t morally wrong, either. I could’ve at least give them a try.
Then, at some point, this question came to my mind: what if I do now the things I dream of doing “there”?

If you think about it, the next life is just an extension of this one. We don’t have two lives; there is no “other life.”
One person has one life, extended or not.
And since life is one and me there will still be the me here, why was I pushing my dreams for some other time in future?

Why did I want an everlasting life since I didn’t fully use, nor enjoy, the trial version?
How about doing now and here the things I want and can do. Because every moment of life matters, regardless of where it unfolds.

The age of forty

Today I met an interesting woman. A fighter, a worrier, a mother of two, an independent married woman at the age of forty. And she told me some words of wisdom from another woman:

Life begins when you realize you haven’t got that many years to live.

And when you are around forty, this is exactly what you realize: half of your life is already gone. You’d better use the rest of it like it matters, to become who you always knew you can be and to do what you really want to do.

Life is …

“Life is a competition.” You’ve probably heard this before. So did I. But I never liked the idea.
And this is not just because I don’t like competitions. I actually don’t believe they are that effective.
I hate the pressure of competition. It stresses me out and I don’t give the best of me when I’m stressed.

Each person is so unique and special that it makes no sense to compare or to enter into a competition with each other. Competition implies there are limited places. And this is simply not true in life.

What I believe is that life is a test. A test of compatibility to see if we can harmonize ourselves with God.

Life is made of chances to adjust yourself and become compatible with God. We are free to do whatever we want with the chances we get. But when the line is drawn, we receive the results.

The reward for passing this test is life. Life for the amount of time that the Person you are compatible with has.

thoughts

We are our thoughts and to share them means letting our presence be felt into the world.

The Beginning

I’ve been thinking of starting a blog for years now.
And I did start a few that I deleted or abandoned after a couple of posts. I thought the posts weren’t good enough, my English was not good enough and that maybe I didn’t have anything interesting to say, after all.
The biggest fear was that people would find what I write stupid or worst, that they’d laugh about it.
I kept writing, publishing, deleting or abandoning. I also kept saving ideas of posts I want to write. There are over a hundred notes tagged “blog post” in my Evernote. I keep saving ideas for some day…
I have no other choice than to do this. The thought of it won’t leave me alone.
Today I had this intense and strong feeling that this is the day my blog should be born.
And here it is. It is birthed. It is born.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to write. It’s been one of the things that stopped me from doing it. I think it’s best to go with what matters the most to me, and here it is:

  • what’s behind appearances
  • the human mind
  • God
  • goals, plans and dreams
  • personal development

To new beginnings and an end to procrastination!

I hope you’ll enjoy this blog.
Thank you for reading.

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